When it comes to chores, knowing what to expect from your child can be tough. For single parents, this is especially true. You think, “Can they really help? Should I have them help?” The answer is, yes. Remember, our job as parents is to help our children grow into mature, independent, and responsible adults. Our goals for them simply cannot be reached by waiting until adulthood to begin molding them. Setting expectations, and opportunities to achieve is one way we begin the “adult-prep” process.

If you don’t know where to begin, you can always get ideas from daycares, and kindergarten classrooms. You don’t need to reinvent the wheel; these professions have tons of child development training you can copy. 

To get you started, here’s a sample list of age appropriate chores you can review as guidelines before you create your first chore chart. 

Tips To Consider:

Time
Setting clean up times in short bursts works better than longer periods, until they reach about 14 years old.

Levels
Establishing basic and advanced level chores, and connecting them with basic and advanced level privileges works well to motivate children to reach for the next level.

Training
Never have them perform a chore without your training. No one likes to spend effort performing a job, only to find out they did it wrong when they’re done! It kills motivation. They want to hear positive reinforcement messages, like “thank you, this is great.”

Personality
Recognize your children are no different than you are. There will be some chores they dread doing, some they don’t mind doing, and some they like doing. Some kids love to cook, while others love being organized and cleaning up. Although everyone should be trained, if they wish to “swap” chores with each other – don’t sweat it. [Just make sure you require your own pre-approval prior to any swapping, so younger children don’t get taken advantage of, and so the overall workload remains equal. For example, kitchen, bathrooms and laundry are each time consuming chores. No person should have more than one of those chore assignments simultaneously.]

Dealing with Objections
We all experience times when we just don’t feel like doing a task. We may be tired, not feeling well, sad, or well – we just want a break. Recognize, kids feel this way too. Build in earned “Vacation Days,” as part of your reward system. For example, for each week of completed chores, they earn (1) day off. Let them build and use their vacation days, however they see fit.
Give them lightened chore holiday breaks separately from their earned vacation days too. One way to accomplish this is to create your own “coupon” book. Let them tear out and use the coupons as their currency. Examples are skipping a chore for a day, two days, or a week, later bedtime, getting off grounding early, friend spend the night. Be creative!

The “Exes” Objections
Dealing with an ex ALWAYS takes finesse. Because people are not “One size fits all,” there is no surefire way to deal with an “ex,” which will guarantee great results. Nevertheless, don’t be afraid to experiment with different methods of communication until you find one that works – for you. [Also, recognize there are some relationships where communication is not going to occur.] Some strategies which help are mimicking chores completed in the other home; telling the other parent what you are planning and ask if they have preferences, or objections for a particular chore.

Safety Rules
Follow the example set by OSHA, and establish your own set of household safety rules. Some examples are:

• No visitors when a parent isn’t home. [All]
• No operating electrical appliances when a parent isn’t home. [Age 13 and younger]
• No using sharp knives, or the food processor without supervision. [Age 17 and younger]
• No washing the food processor blades [Age 17 and younger]
• Never wash food processor blades with a cloth rag. Only use a kitchen scrub brush. [All]
• No mowing the lawn when a parent isn’t home. [Age 15 and younger]
• Never mow the lawn (or operate any motorized item) with your iPod earphones in! [All]
• Never mix chemicals when cleaning the bathroom; the resulting gases could be poisonous. [Children 12 and younger should not be using harsh chemicals unsupervised.]
• Never hold a cloth rag in front of rotating machinery to clean it. [All]
• Never use water on a grease fire. Use baking soda, or regular table salt instead. [All]
• No playing doctor by self-diagnosing an illness and self-medicating. [All]
• No administering medications to siblings [All]
• No accepting medications from siblings [All]
• Always follow the golden rule, “When in doubt, don’t.”

Okay, enough tips – here’s the list! ☺

Ages 2 and 3
Toddlers love to help at this age, even if their help isn’t as “helpful” as what we would like it to be. You can introduce your children to the concept of cleaning up with the “10-Second Tidy.” The idea is modeled after the television show, “The Big Comfy Couch.” At the conclusion of the program, the character would set a timer and pick up her toys before the timer buzzed. Copy the characters’ behavior with your own timer, and at your own clean up time, everyone participates in the “10-Second Tidy.” The kids love it. At this age never let your children engage in clean up without supervision. This age group has a short attention span. If you don’t help, they will quickly lose interest.

Some chores 2-3 year olds can do…
Help make their bed.
Pick up toys and books.
Take laundry to the laundry room.
Help feed pets. [But not water, because water is heavy and/or may encourage unsupervised water play]
Help wipe up small messes.
Dust with old socks on their hands.

Ages 4 and 5
Lots of toddlers love to see a visual reminder of their success, making sticker charts a great choice. Kids at this stage love rewards, and they don’t have to be huge. Try using a sticker chart that allows them to build up to bigger rewards. For some preschoolers, tying chores to an allowance is a great choice. This can also foster independence by allowing them to choose a reward. However, at this stage the reward concept can get challenging to keep up with. To better manage it, begin to separate chores into “basic,” and “advanced.” Basic chores are done without reward, but advanced chores get rewards. Also, make sure you let the children know they are not eligible to perform advanced chores without having completed their basic list, first. [Without this advance limitation, they will choose the advanced chores to get to the reward, while leaving the basic chores to remain undone.]

Some chores preschoolers can do in addition to the ones above…
Clear and set the table.
Help out in preparing food. [Help get ingredients out, measure ingredients, stir, spoon into muffin tins]
Sorting laundry by color, and/or putting away laundry
Carrying and putting away groceries.

Ages 6-8
Using chore charts to keep track of their responsibilities works well with this age group. Connecting the list to privileges helps keep them motivated to continue working. 

Some chores that they are capable of in addition to the ones above…
Take care of pets.
Vacuum and mop.
Take out trash.
Fold and put away laundry.

Ages 9-12
Kids at this age need organization and a set schedule from you (along with your expectations.) If you lump things on them at the last minute, or keep moving their goals, they will get upset. This age often has a lot of school activities and increased homework, which will cut into their free time. Proper scheduling is key to assisting their developing sense of organization and prioritizing. Limiting daily chores (like picking up) to no more than 30 minutes, and allowing them to delegate scrubbing-type chores to weekends is helpful.

Some Chores preteens are capable of in addition to the ones above…
Help wash the car. 
Wash dishes. 
Help prepare simple meals. 
Mowing the lawn
Rake leaves. 
Operate the washer and dryer. 

Ages 13-18
This age group is pretty capable of handling most chores, provided they have been trained properly. However, at this age, their lives are really hopping! Between their social lives, academic lives, and activities, they can become easily overwhelmed and frustrated. In most cases, this is a simple time management problem. Remember the expression “Time flies when you’re having fun”? Believe it or not, many people are terrible estimators of time. This is especially true when we connect “time” with activities we enjoy or loathe. Have you ever felt time was dragging on when you wanted to stop doing something? Or have you ever wondered where the time went, when you were having a great time doing something? Teens are no different. Further complicating their concept of time is their individual learning rate. 

To deal with this challenge, break out the old timer you were using and dust it off. Start having your teen time themselves (or you can do it for them) doing every task on their plate, for a minimum of two weeks. [Ideally, a month is better because it allows for changes in energy levels and assignment complexity – but two weeks will do.] Then look at the actual time it takes them to complete a task, and compare it with the amount of time they actually have. I guarantee, some adjustment and prioritizing will be required. When calculating available time, do not forget to include the time it takes to travel back and forth to activities, or time spent on the bus, or how many pages they read an hour. Believe me, this stuff adds up! 

Don’t be afraid to drop some chores to a bi-weekly schedule, like laundry.

Some chores teenagers are capable of in addition to the ones above…
Replace light bulbs and vacuum cleaner bags. 
All parts of the laundry. 
Wash windows. 
Clean out refrigerator and other kitchen appliances. 
Clean the bathroom. 
Grocery shopping 
Shoveling snow and salting the walk
Prepare meals. 

Don’t forget, all children are “Under Construction.” Making mistakes is an integral part of the human experience. Remember, don’t let your past mistakes and failures rule your life or theirs. Mistakes and failures are the parents of Strength and Wisdom! Be flexible enough to go with the flow, but confident enough to be who you are and you’re going to be a great parent. The most important guideline to follow is letting your child develop according to their individual talents. 

Instructions for a surviving spouse (and ONLY a surviving spouse) when one spouse dies. 

1. Obtain at least 8 death certificates from the funeral home as soon as possible.  Make a copy for your attorney.

2. Open any joint titled safe deposit boxes and inventory them.  Look for a Will or other estate planning documents.  Fill out any bank forms needed to show the change in title on the box from both spouses to just the surviving spouse.  If the box is only in the name of the decedent, contact your attorney.  

3. Do an inventory of the decedent’s assets (i.e. bank accounts, stocks, cars, etc.), how they are titled, and estimated values. 

4. Do a rough inventory of the contents of the house by room.  For the contents, list groups simply, such as “5 piece living room suite” or “7 piece stainless kitchen cookware”.  Use garage sale values here.  List separately any high value items or antiques.  For example, for a collection of Hummel figurines you would list each one by title on the piece and use an appraised value.   

5. Determine if there is a last Will or a trust, and whether you have the original (needed for probate) or a copy.  Make a copy for your attorney, but bring the original too.

6. Collect all the decedent’s debts and determine if they are joint debts or individual debts and whether there will be enough in the estate to pay all the debts.  Pay the funeral home and any valid last medical bills first.  Make a list for your attorney, including how the debt is titled, who it is owed to and how much it is.  Do NOT pay any credit card debts only in the deceased spouses name until advised by your attorney.

7. Contact your attorney within a week of the spouses death.  Many actions can be done on your own, but complications require the advice of an attorney.  Establish a relationship with one early to guide you through the process.  The attorney will need the information gathered in the preceding steps.

8. Contact a CPA.  Use the decedent’s CPA if he had one.  The decedent’s last income tax return or other inheritance tax document (including an IH-6) may need to be prepared.  A CPA can guide you through this so you do not end up on the bad side of the IRS or the Indiana Department of Revenue.

9. Contact Social Security and inform them of the death within a week after death.  Be aware that the last Social Security check received will most likely be refunded back to the government.  Fill out a claim for Social Security survivor’s benefits (there is a time limit for this so do it early) and dependent benefits if there are minor children. 

10. Unless directed otherwise by your attorney, pay any joint debts on which both spouses names appear if they are valid, otherwise the creditors will pursue the surviving spouse.  If they are not valid, contact an attorney.  If there are insufficient funds in the estate to pay all the debts, contact your attorney.

11. Contact any life insurance companies where the deceased had a policy and fill out their forms to claim proceeds designated to the spouse.  If the designated beneficiary was the decedent’s estate, contact your attorney.  If the designated beneficiary was someone other than the surviving spouse, have that person fill out the forms.  If the designated beneficiary is under age 18, contact your attorney. 

12. Contact any plan administrator’s of the decedent’s pension, 401(k), IRA or other retirement plan or stock broker and fill out their forms to claim proceeds designated to the spouse or for survivor benefits in the case of a pension.  If the designated beneficiary was the decedent’s estate, contact your attorney.  If the designated beneficiary was someone other than the surviving spouse, have that person fill out the forms.  If the designated beneficiary is under age 18, contact your attorney. 

13. For RV’s, trucks, motorcycles, trailers, boats, mobile homes or cars that are joint titled, go to the local BMV and complete their forms to show the change in title from both spouses to just the surviving spouse.  This may work for vehicles that are only in the deceased spouse’s name as well.  If not, contact your attorney.

14. For real estate that is “joint titled with rights of survivorship” or as “tenancy by the entireties”, contact your attorney to prepare an affidavit of survivorship to show the change in title from both spouses to just the surviving spouse.  For real estate that is not joint titled contact your attorney.

15. For bank accounts that are joint titled, go to the bank and complete their forms to show the change in title.  If the bank accounts are only in the deceased spouse’s name, or are “Payable On Death” (POD) or Transfer On Death (TOD) to someone else or a minor, contact your attorney.  
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16. If the decedent owned a business, incorporated or not, jointly with his spouse or not, contact your attorney.  Bring copies of all the business formation paperwork and any operating or partnership agreements.

We live in Indiana, land of the Motor Speedway, with no real public transportation system.  Therefore, most people will, at some point, buy a car.  Probably a used car.  There are some key legal points you need to know before you hand over your hard earned cash for that hot set of wheels.  
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Used cars are usually sold “as is”, which means if there are any problems or defects with the car, the buyer is stuck.  Contrary to popular opinion, there is no 24 hour or three day return policy by law.  The purchase contract may provide you with that, but the law does not.  Dealers must display a notice, known as a “used car statement” in the window, stating whether the car is sold with a warranty or “as is”.  The notice must identify 1) the year, make, model and VIN (or vehicle identification number), 2) the warranty or if the car is “as is”, 3) the details of the warranty (if there is one), including what is covered and for how long, 4) the dealers name and address.  Private sellers are not required to do any of this.  It must be assumed that all cars bought from private sellers are “as is” and the car should be checked out by a knowledgeable mechanic before purchase.  

A dealer, or a private seller who sells more than 5 cars a year, must disclose before purchase and in writing if a car has been salvaged or rebuilt.  This disclosure applies to all cars, semi’s, and RV’s made within the last seven (7) years.  The BMV may extend the time frame for this notice.  If the seller fails to disclose this information and you discover it after purchase you may sue for damages and attorney fees.  The court may also award up to three times the actual damages or $2,500, whichever is greater, as punishment.  

The internet can be a valuable resource in determining the value for a particular car.  You can also find places on the internet (such as CarFax) to enter the VIN number and find out if the car was involved in an accident in the past.  Another easy way to check on the car’s history is to ask to see the title.  Check the mileage on the title to see if there were too many or not enough miles put on the car between purchasers.  “Salvage” or “Rebuilt” on the title indicates the car had been wrecked and rebuilt at some point.  “Buy Back” indicates the car was repurchased by the manufacturer as a “lemon”.  “Flood Damaged” indicates the car was under water.  An out of state title which indicates the car had been determined to be “Junk” in another state cannot be titled in Indiana.  Obviously, if the seller or dealer will not show you the title, you should look elsewhere.  

Speaking of mileage, signs of odometer fraud include 1) odometer numbers of different colors, 2) scratches on the instrument panel, 3) less than average miles per year for the age of the car (10,000 to 15,000 is average), 4) oil change stickers in the window or on the door frame that do not agree with the odometer, 5) more wear on the driver’s side carpet or seats.  

Federal law requires disclosure of the total miles on the odometer, or notice that the actual mileage is unknown if the seller is aware that the actual mileage differs from what the odometer shows.  This notice must be in writing at the time of sale.  The title contains a place for the mileage disclosure.  This disclosure is NOT required if 1) it is not self-propelled, (Hey, I don’t write the law, I just report it!) 2) the vehicle has a GVW of more than 16,000 pounds, 3) it is 10 years old or older.  There are criminal penalties as well as civil remedies for odometer fraud.  

There are many pitfalls to buying a used car.  The primary point to keep in mind is Buyer Beware.  Spend some time investigating the car’s history and value.  Spend some money now to have it inspected, rather than spending some later to have it repaired.  Happy motoring!

Not promptly transferring title can cause problems down the road.  For example, if you are involved in an accident your insurance company may (many will) balk at paying your claim if the car was not titled to you.  This can be overcome, but it will delay your getting paid for the damage.  This could have been avoided by promptly transferring title when you bought the car.
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Or what if you sold the car and the buyer didn’t change the title and used the car in a robbery or it was involved in a hit & run.  Someone gets the plate number and guess who they come looking for?  It HAS happened.  Yeah, you can probably beat the rap, but why have to worry about it?  It is easier to prevent the problem than it is to try to prove where you were at 10 p.m. on Tuesday, three weeks ago.  

How do you prevent the problem?  Well, interesting enough, I discovered BMV has no method for forcing a buyer to re-title a vehicle or a method for you as the seller to report the sale.  BMV representatives report that your name will stay on the title for five years if the car is not registered.  But there is a form on the BMV website that you can complete and mail or take to the BMV to let them know you sold a car.  If the buyer tries to register and plate the vehicle, they will have to re-title it, but until then your name is on it.  Your best bet is to complete the sale at the local license branch and sign off on the title at the same time the buyer registers and plates it.  

While we are on the subject of car titles, be sure to promptly retitle a car that was jointly owned when one of the joint owners passes.  Also promptly retitle a car when you get a lien release from the lender.  Your heirs will thank you.

I was at a funeral the other day and the family was lamenting the deceased’s lack of estate planning.  “We don’t know if he wanted to be cremated or not.  We don’t know what bills, assets or insurance policies he had, or where he kept all his important papers.  We don’t know how he wanted his estate divided.  We don’t know if he had a will or not.  We don’t know anything.  There is a huge pile of papers on his desk and more in the kitchen drawers.  We’re going to have to go through every piece of paper in the house to see if it’s a bill, if it’s been paid or not, or whether it’s an asset or an insurance policy that we should file a claim against.  This is a nightmare.”  And it is not an uncommon nightmare for people who lose a loved one.  All because the deceased did not give his loved ones the best gift he could possibly give them – estate planning.

Myth: I have lots of money, so I do not need to worry about estate planning.  There will be plenty to go around.
Fact:  Estate planning does not benefit you.  After all, you really can’t take it with you. Estate planning benefits your spouse and your children or heirs.  It is the best gift you can give them.  Keep in mind, people only fight about money when there is too little or too much.

Myth: I only need to worry about estate planning if I have a lot of money.
Fact:  Small estates can benefit from estate planning just as much as large estates, and single people just as much as married people with children.  There is more to estate planning than how much money you are going to leave to whom.  

The benefits of estate planning are: 

• your property is divided the way you want it divided – not how the state dictates it will be divided; 
• your wishes are clearly expressed – no one has to guess at how you want your final affairs handled;
• you can minimize the tax burdens on your spouse or heirs; 
• you can minimize the hassles your spouse or heirs have to go through during a very trying time;
• you can avoid the time delay sometimes experienced in probate;
• you can minimize the costs of estate administration; 
• you can choose your guardian, instead of having the court choose one for you; 
• you can keep your estate distribution private, if that concerns you;
• you can save the expense and publicity of guardianship proceedings, if you are incapacitated; 
• you can choose the guardian for your minor children instead of having the court choose one for them.
• you can choose your quality of life and exercise your right to die with dignity, instead of having the state and the doctors chose for you, or forcing your loved ones to agonize, wondering what you would want.

It is not important what form of estate planning you choose.  The important thing is that you find out what options are available and you make the choices, instead of the state or the courts.  

An attorney experienced in estate planning can explain the pros and cons of wills versus living trusts versus irrevocable trusts.  He or she can explain the other common estate planning documents such as living wills, health care powers of attorney, and durable powers of attorney.   Your attorney can guide you through the maze of estate planning to arrive at what best meets your needs in your situation.  Otherwise, your spouse or heirs are forced to live with the one-size-fits-all dictates of the state.  And we all know that one-size-fits-all, does not.  

This is not a good do-it-yourself project.  State laws governing wills and trusts are specific and complicated.  Little things, such as the execution of a will, can invalidate the document, if not done according to statute.  Retail or internet will kits are based on general principles of estate law; however, estate law differs from state to state and changes periodically.  These kits do not account for these differences or changes and should be used only in conjunction with the services of a practicing attorney admitted to the bar in the state where you live.

Contrary to popular opinion, estate planning does not have to be synonymous with expensive.  Many attorneys offer fixed fees for estate planning or provide initial consultations free of charge.  Shop around.  You may find it is less than you would spend on gifts for all your loved ones in a year.  Do not let the fear of cost frighten you away from giving your loved ones the best gift you could ever give.